Thursday, July 28, 2011

Is what I deeply fear....

Is What I deeply Fear
By Missy Smith

This is one of my many moments when realizing my demons at times return, causing me to question everything about myself.

It's not that I am not worthy
Or that my voice shall forget to shout truths
It's that I all too often ask myself does it make a difference?
Do I make a difference?
Is what I deeply fear

It's not that I am afraid
Or that my passion for inking revelations shall wane
Or that one day I will forever be lost in the crowd
It's that I’m feeling now my one day went from someday to this day
Teetering between realities
Never returning to my moment of free
Is what I deeply fear

I smile because it's what I do
I laugh because it helps calm nervousness
I cry because it allows my pains to release
Wondering do I have this thing called life figured out.
Not quite, is what I deeply fear

Running this race alongside billions
Seeming at times to be stuck at go
Lights flashing, constantly blinding
Like a deer in headlights I'm frozen
Staring into a place that's given and taken so much of my being
Stranded, feeling at times relegated to second fiddle
Consciously unconscious
Inspiring others
While forgetting myself in the process
Overly sensitive
Emotionally a ticking time bomb
Ready to explode without notice
Is what I deeply fear

Rarest jewel deep within the confines of my mind
At least that's what they all say
Priceless thinking’s where darkness never reaches
Bearing the mark of compassion upon my selfless soul
Knowing the me others have yet to see may in fact be the greatest loss for many
Do I matter?
If not, will I?
When gone will I be remembered?
If yes, then how so?
Will the positives of me outweigh the negatives of me?
Had I known better, trusting me more
This would not have been what I for years deeply feared.

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