Friday, November 25, 2011

Why I love(d) him

OK so I wanted to change things up and write this Reflection on why I love (d) a certain individual who happened to grace my life for a few years. Though we are no longer I wanted to share not just the bad but also the good. Love can be good and for a brief moment between him and I it was.


Why I love (d) him
Missy Smith
All rights reserved

I love (d) you not for the materialistics you enhanced my life with
I love (d) you not for the color of your skin
I love (d) you not for your A list status
I could care less about who you know or knew
I love (d) you for you
For the way your nose would crinkle when smiling
The way your eyes would tear when laughing too hard
The way you would call and say "Hey Mami I just wanted to hear your voice
I love (d) ‘you’ for you
The you who was fearless and full of life
The you who loved old school music and still wore converse just because
The you who made me melt from a single kiss
Who had my soul crazy
Sending my spirit higher and higher
I love (d) you not for the man you were but for the man you are
A love so powerful till this day still shakes my core
And though our love affair is no more
I pray I find again this intensity within my lifetime
And so, if anyone should again ask
Why I love (d) you
I would say with painful joy
Simply because you are beautiful

Monday, November 21, 2011

Lil' Gyrl Blues.... ( A story of Self Discovery and Surviving)

Lil’ Gyrl Blues
Missy Smith
All rights reserved

Sometimes, I allow the past to wreak havoc on my future.
I would revert back to that little girl who was abused physically/ mentally and think that is all I am.

I at times force myself to realize that I am so much more than that.

I am a Strong Intelligent Rising Queen who overcame trials and tribulations showing yes, it can be done.

But then something or someone from my past would throw out subtle reminders that I may not be all that I seem and that I am not as strong as I wish others to believe.

And so I would huddle off into my corner of self doubt, staring off into the window of pains past crying. Pleading to God just let me go.

To drift off into a sleep so deep until awakening was no longer an option. See I am strong just not as strong as I think or thought I was but still strong nonetheless.

And this is the conflictions that I live with which allows my lil' gyrl blues to invade.
Attacking my grown woman joys snatching me back into that place of darkness once more.

Unstable I realized I am but not as unstable as I once was. I need to remember I am someone who yes has been through hell and back making occasional pit stops back to hell here and there but I Survived.

I Survived the abuse, the depression, the fears, the anger, the tears, the self doubts, the loneliness and this is what I need to remind "me" of.

No longer am I that lil' gyrl. I am a Grown Woman who has to finally let go of the past because it does not define ME!

Now is the time for me to put on my big gyrl panties and Woman Up.

Accept the unexpected and learn from it while keeping 'me' moving in a forward direction.

No more will I allow myself to be that victim.
No more will I allow my Surviving to be in vain.
Now from this moment on I am fighting.
Fighting for the chance to be peacefully me.

This is a dedication to all who have been abused mentally and physically and who too struggles daily with doubts of self-worth.