Lil’ Gyrl Blues
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Sometimes, I allow the past to wreak havoc on my future.
I would revert back to that little girl who was abused physically/ mentally and think that is all I am.
I at times force myself to realize that I am so much more than that.
I am a Strong Intelligent Rising Queen who overcame trials and tribulations showing yes, it can be done.
But then something or someone from my past would throw out subtle reminders that I may not be all that I seem and that I am not as strong as I wish others to believe.
And so I would huddle off into my corner of self doubt, staring off into the window of pains past crying. Pleading to God just let me go.
To drift off into a sleep so deep until awakening was no longer an option. See I am strong just not as strong as I think or thought I was but still strong nonetheless.
And this is the conflictions that I live with which allows my lil' gyrl blues to invade.
Attacking my grown woman joys snatching me back into that place of darkness once more.
Unstable I realized I am but not as unstable as I once was. I need to remember I am someone who yes has been through hell and back making occasional pit stops back to hell here and there but I Survived.
I Survived the abuse, the depression, the fears, the anger, the tears, the self doubts, the loneliness and this is what I need to remind "me" of.
No longer am I that lil' gyrl. I am a Grown Woman who has to finally let go of the past because it does not define ME!
Now is the time for me to put on my big gyrl panties and Woman Up.
Accept the unexpected and learn from it while keeping 'me' moving in a forward direction.
No more will I allow myself to be that victim.
No more will I allow my Surviving to be in vain.
Now from this moment on I am fighting.
Fighting for the chance to be peacefully me.
YOU ARE SOMEONE AND THAT IS WHAT THEY FEAR(ED)!!!!!