Hey everyone, well it's been a minute since I have posted. And yes it was on purpose. I just had to regather my thoughts as well as myself. It's hard sometimes to open up and just let go. But I have to remember who and what I am. I am a SURVIVOR of so many life changing things. I Survived abuse both physically and mentally. I survived failed relationships. I survived being told I would never be good enough. Yes I SURVIVED. So many people are thrust into darkness and never allow themselves to see once again the light. But it took me a while to remember that I am a fighter. Never will I allow anyone to place their bullshit upon my spirit. There are many people out here who are miserable and love nothing more than to make you miserable. I fell back into that trap for a moment. I did not value me. I allowed others thoughts concerning me to become my way of thinking as well. I felt because someone didn't love me then I must not love myself either. So I returned back to patterns of letting myself become abused. I thought well that was the way I am supposed to be. My life became dark again and it took God given strength to pull myself up out of that blackness. I have got to show the strength that was bestowed upon me so yes there will be times when the past will try grabbing hold of me but I have to remember I AM A SURVIVOR and that trumps all...!

ps. do not forget to get Blueberry State of Mind, a collection of reflective truths, Missy Smith
This book is not what you think it is is. It's better. http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B005EGKDQG

Creative Luv to all my sisters and brothers in the ink.

The Remembrance of Missy

I keep forgetting I am strong

I kept forgetting I “SURVIVED”

I keep forgetting things have changed

I kept forgetting why I am who I am

I keep forgetting silence is not the best policy

I kept forgetting I am loved by all the right people

I keep forgetting to move forward

I kept forgetting I believe

I keep forgetting to leave the past the past

I kept forgetting why I walked away in the first place

I keep forgetting you have yet to change

I kept forgetting you do not define me

I keep forgetting I can love

I kept forgetting I am lovable

I keep forgetting I am not fragile

I kept forgetting weakness has no place nor say

I keep forgetting no one has the power to disrupt my spirit

I kept forgetting we are better apart

I keep forgetting to stop wishing (for your return)

I kept forgetting time does heal all wounds

I keep forgetting that I do know happy

And my soul is now for that very reason soaring......

For’ now I know the remembrance of "Missy"

Love

It was accidental we met

Darkness before surrounding me

However, you brought the light

Reminded me of the fight

Days becoming happy again

Sadness found herself another home

Sadness found herself another home

Cherry balm filled kisses

Skin the color of freshly churned butter

Touches causing me to stutter

My heart now yours

Waking to you

Partaking in you

8 years later we’ve parted

Watched you leave

Didn’t have the heart to beg you to stay

Instead, I lay down

Remembering us

And everything that once was

Smiling

Crying

Knowing

Love is a funny sort...

A Son’s Declaration

A Son’s Declaration
(from the book Blueberry State of Mind, a collection of reflective truths, Missy Smith
http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B005EGKDQG
I highly encourage you all to get your copy TODAY!

"Black People” My son says!
What about them I ask? They make me so sick he responds. Here is the time being a Mother and not a friend comes into play. Sitting down, I proceed to listen. It was a warm Indian Summer’s day when he made this declaration of dislike towards his own race. You should be proud of where you come from. I am he states, but not towards some of the people that also shares my race. Well, you cannot generalize a whole race because of one mistake made by someone who just so happens to share the same race as you.

Staring at me with those inquisitive hazel eyes made me just open my arms inviting him in. My son, my child, my flesh and blood had become disappointed and disillusioned in his own ancestry. I wanted him to take pride in where he came from and more importantly give him the strength to fledge ahead and become better than those causing him to be incensed. A Mother's arms always seem to do the trick of bringing immediate comfort. Nestling his head against my shoulders like that when he was younger brought great relief to my worrisome soul. Thanks Mom he whispers in that young man's voice he has now acquired. Smiling he breaks our embrace and heads to his room. Relieved, I begin to fix dinner. It was then I realized, I never did find out why “Black People” on this day made him sick.

Hold'n U Down, Love

Hold'n u down

Love,

I remember them days back when

It was you and I till the end back then

Riding till we die we said

Guess that time came sooner than later

Now gone our separate ways, I hate it

But time heals all wounds they say

How much time does it take I say

Cuz it’s been a minute+ a couple of days

Remember when the love flowed freely

Your strong arms holding me securely

Should have known it wouldn't last cuz shit was too easy

Fighting for respect brought about constant regrets

Our forever became our for right now

Unpredictable love

Crazy love

Never quite right type of love

Down

I fell

Never truly getting back up

Midway

Caught in-between limbo

We go

Separate ways

Inconsistent days

Memories of you and I

Tears I'd often cry

Retraced steps when I held u down

The impossible meant nothing where you were concerned

Whatever you needed, "I" made sure you had it

Should we,

Could we,

Dare we

Give it another try?

hmmmmmmmm.......

　

I Finally Cried

So Christmas is finally over. Whew, I escaped not too badly scathed (money wise) that is but mentally it just brought back memories of a painful childhood. Times when I was too afraid to cry, too afraid to say I am not OK. So I learned long ago to smile a little too much, laugh a little louder. All to hide my pain. They say when one is wounded then crying heals those wounds. Thinking to myself now that maybe the reason it took me a long time to heal was because I never allowed myself to cry. I kept it all in. Only telling the pages of my diary secrets I allowed to continuously dirty my soul. Older (Not old lol) but yes older and a little bit wiser, I now know that it's OK to cry. It's OK to say no, I am not OK!

This reflection I wrote when my soul was finally able to do just that. Cry.

Reflection from Blueberry State of Mind, a collection of reflective truths, Missy Smith
http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B005EGKDQG

                                                                 I Finally Cried

Walking through the door

Addressing no one

Simply going straight to that place of calm

My room

Falling backwards onto my awaiting queen sized bed

Fully dressed ‘cept for kicked off shoes exposing my stocking feet

Letting loose what I for years kept held back

I finally cried

Not full on tears

Slight trickles at first

Then more

Like a dam overflowing its banks

Soaking me completely

So many tears until my vision became blurred

So in turn, I closed my eyes as it allowed the tears to flow in unison

Never bothering reaching for tissues

I just let them fall

One by One

See I cried because I needed too

Crying for all the years I let pain control me

For times when I was too afraid to live

I cried for the damage upon my soul abusers inflicted

I cried because I was so tired of being tired

I cried for letting myself be used

For letting life get so far ahead of me

I cried for losing my way amongst this directionless place

I cried because the love of my life decided he no longer loved me

I cried because love lost her faith in me

I cried because my innocence so long ago was taken

I cried because I allowed myself to become trapped inside myself

Becoming lost and confused, lonely and abused

I cried because I was empty

I cried because I wanted to feel whole again

I cried because it was the only truthful thing I could control doing

Yes, this day here I cried

I cried for my fathers love

I cried because the only man to ever love me (my Grandfather) was no longer earthly here

I cried for my mother to be mentally alive again

I cried because I too was a mother

I cried because I will never be again that very mother

I cried because I grew up too soon

I cried because I did not know which road to travel upon

I cried because it hurt so damn bad

The pain deeply embedded inside my broken heart

I cried because the man I loved though gone still held my soul

I cried because tomorrow will bring back these very same memories

I cried because I wanted to be free

I cried because I realized in this moment of crying that I was releasing

Cleansing my soul of all life’s toxins

I cried because I was finally OK

As I Lay

As I Lay
Author Reflectionist Missy Smith
All rights reserved

As I lay

In a puddle of seduction

In the middle of insecurities

Right next to confusion

On top of emotions drifting bliss

In and out
Out and in

I lay continuously in his midst

Sweet surrender

I dance freely

Greedily consuming even the weakest part of me

Licking lips

Caressing cheeks

Wiping tears

That falls constantly

Joys and pains

Both seemingly the same

Enveloping every bit of me

As I lay

In a puddle of seduction

In the middle of insecurities

Right next to confusion

On top of emotions drifting bliss

In and out
Out and in

I lay continuously in his midst