Why I love(d) him

http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B005EGKDQG

OK so I wanted to change things up and write this Reflection on why I love (d) a certain individual who happened to grace my life for a few years. Though we are no longer I wanted to share not just the bad but also the good. Love can be good and for a brief moment between him and I it was.

Enjoy

Why I love (d) him
Missy Smith
All rights reserved


I love (d) you not for the materialistics you enhanced my life with
I love (d) you not for the color of your skin
I love (d) you not for your A list status
I could care less about who you know or knew
I love (d) you for you
For the way your nose would crinkle when smiling
The way your eyes would tear when laughing too hard
The way you would call and say "Hey Mami I just wanted to hear your voice
I love (d) ‘you’ for you
The you who was fearless and full of life
The you who loved old school music and still wore converse just because
The you who made me melt from a single kiss
Who had my soul crazy
Sending my spirit higher and higher
I love (d) you not for the man you were but for the man you are
A love so powerful till this day still shakes my core
And though our love affair is no more
I pray I find again this intensity within my lifetime
And so, if anyone should again ask
Why I love (d) you
I would say with painful joy
Simply because you are beautiful

Lil' Gyrl Blues.... ( A story of Self Discovery and Surviving)

Lil’ Gyrl Blues
Missy Smith
All rights reserved


Sometimes, I allow the past to wreak havoc on my future.
I would revert back to that little girl who was abused physically/ mentally and think that is all I am.
Damaged!

I at times force myself to realize that I am so much more than that.

I am a Strong Intelligent Rising Queen who overcame trials and tribulations showing yes, it can be done.

But then something or someone from my past would throw out subtle reminders that I may not be all that I seem and that I am not as strong as I wish others to believe.

And so I would huddle off into my corner of self doubt, staring off into the window of pains past crying. Pleading to God just let me go.

To drift off into a sleep so deep until awakening was no longer an option. See I am strong just not as strong as I think or thought I was but still strong nonetheless.

And this is the conflictions that I live with which allows my lil' gyrl blues to invade.
Attacking my grown woman joys snatching me back into that place of darkness once more.

Unstable I realized I am but not as unstable as I once was. I need to remember I am someone who yes has been through hell and back making occasional pit stops back to hell here and there but I Survived.

I Survived the abuse, the depression, the fears, the anger, the tears, the self doubts, the loneliness and this is what I need to remind "me" of.

No longer am I that lil' gyrl. I am a Grown Woman who has to finally let go of the past because it does not define ME!

Now is the time for me to put on my big gyrl panties and Woman Up.

Accept the unexpected and learn from it while keeping 'me' moving in a forward direction.

No more will I allow myself to be that victim.
No more will I allow my Surviving to be in vain.
Now from this moment on I am fighting.
Fighting for the chance to be peacefully me.

This is a dedication to all who have been abused mentally and physically and who too struggles daily with doubts of self-worth.

Remember,

YOU ARE SOMEONE AND THAT IS WHAT THEY FEAR(ED)!!!!!

Do you truly know who you are surrounded by?

Do you truly know who you are surrounded by?

In today's society many assume they know with whom they are surrounded by.
But do they really?

There are many who pretend to wish you well, many who will actually celebrate your success having you believe they are indeed happy for you. The reality is they truly are not!

I found out the hard way that those who I had surrounded myself with, only half were truly happy for me while the other half were jealous and vindictive. They would smile in my face, while downing me behind my back.

In March 2011, I published my first book of "Life Poetry" titled Blueberry State of Mind, a collection of reflective truths, Missy Smith @Xlibris.com, Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com (shameless plug but hey someone has to do it lol)


During this time many who I thought were well wishers were actually jealous haters.

Yes HATERS!!!!!.

I began getting emails from those I once considered friends who asked, So I guess you think you are all that now? I guess you think you are better than us now? So I guess you will forget all about us little people now?

I laughed it off but then it began to become an everyday thing and it caused me to address these individuals and that is when I found out I was not surrounded by the right people.

I had to truly recognize and realize that some of whom I had surrounded myself around were in fact those I should have never given the time of day.

In the grand scheme of things there are many of you today asking yourself this very question. Am I surrounded by the right people?

Ask yourself these important questions as it will lead to finding out truthfully are you surrounded by those who you are meant to be surrounded by.

(1) When speaking on your blessings and achievements does the individual (s) you are speaking with seem genuinely happy or do they find some way to interject doubt?

(2) Do you notice distance from those you were once close too when blessings abound bestow you?

(3) Do your friends only interact with you when "They" are feeling down?

(4) Do your friends desert you when "You're down?"

(5) Are you the up lifter of the group?

If you answered yes to the majority of these questions then you are not surrounded by the right type of people.

Now I know there are some who are up lifters within their group but ask yourself do others go out their way to uplift you.

An example of realizing if you are surrounded by the right people is if you are constantly feeling as if you are being taken advantage of then "NO" you are not surrounded by the right ones.

If the following statements below rings truth for you then "Yes" you are most definitely surrounded by those who you are meant to be surrounded by.

My friends and I always celebrate each others accomplishments.

My friends and I wish each other well at all times.

My friends and I uplift and inspire each other everyday.

My friends and I love each other through the good and bad.

I have been blessed to come across some amazing people that I can truly call my friends and I have come across those who I simply deem acquaintances. Each knows their roles. It took a long time for me to understand because I am a trusting and yes at times naive woman who loves seeing the good in everyone and yes in a perfect world there would only be good people. But, we do not live in such a world and the reality is evil lurks through even the best of us but do we have to continue having such a thing invade our beings?

At the end of the day I value friendships and I enjoy celebrating my friends’ joys as well as uplifting them when their spirits become low.

And finally I have those around who I am truly meant to be surrounded by.

I thank you all for taking the time to read and I welcome all comments.

Stay tuned for Does your family truly support your dreams?

Creative Luv, Missy

Desire

Happy Saturday everyone. So upon waking this morning I sat on the edge of my bed. Something I do every morning and I had my eyes closed. (This helps with my thinking process lol) and I envisioned myself in a time way before our time of now and these words sprang forth and I decided to share them with everyone on my blog today.
Enjoy

Desire (Time of Past)

Feelings of desire deep inside my soul
Causes trembling at the very thought of you
Passions traveling with urgency
Up anxious thighs
Mmmmmmmm touch me
Do you feel the heat that’s risin'?
The love,
The fire,
Smells of my womanly scent filling the air
School girl like and I do like (it)
Do you know the emotions you've set forth onto me?
Forceful cries begging for touches (yours)
Even if it's just the slightest of them
Subduer of pain that once plagued me,
Replacing it with feelings of undeniable fervor
Unexplainable lust
Pure love
Immaculate lover
Constant hungering for thy King's fervid wrath
Laden with unadulterated ecstasy

It Hurts

Never should abuse be tolerated. It's time we took a stand against abuse of any kind. Here is my story....

The confusion

The misusing

Of my trusting soul

Abusing my being

Ripping me apart

No longer whole

Now thrust into this hole

Black,

Darkness deep

He hit me

A slap was the beginning

Nearly killing me was our ending

Tears falling because I still love you

Believing when you said you only do this to show love

Damn,

I want to be normal

Don't want these scars

Don't want the lies I have to tell

Breakaway, faraway please away from me stay

Didn't know this would be my life

Never knew I'd be too afraid to fight (back)

Broken wings

Had me believing I was nothing

Suppressed my ability to just up and leave

And so I stayed

Endured

Cried

Told the lies

Kept quiet

Dinner on time

Clothes washed and neatly pressed

Laid still as you took me night after night

Until that night it almost became permanent

The punches

The kicking

The spitting

The I hate you's

As I lay silent on the floor gasping for air

Finally realizing I do not want to be here

Eyes closing

Spirit leaving

I'm almost there

Almost free

Freedom

Freedom

Yes,

The light I so clearly saw

Became dark once more

As I heard them say we have a pulse.....

　

The ex affect

The ex affect

I fell in love
Crashed and burned before I could save myself
7 long brutal years of bullshit and sin
Didn't wife me, though he lied and said he would see
He fed me the lines and I memorized them time after time
Dizzy and constipated from his fake ass I love you baby
Got my system overloaded off this dumb shit here
Wide open falling with no safety net
He was that itch I wish I'd never scratched
6'3 devouring my peaches and cream
About the only thing that kept me sing-ing
Guess that's what kept my ass stay-ing
Him playing in the garden which housed my secret treasure
Optical delusions of guilty pleasures
Found myself walking in the opposite direction
Needing another direction from the mess you had me in
Torn between truth and lies
Trying to figure which hurts less
Would it be your touch I miss(ed)?
Our sneaks to the roof or your momma's basement?
Or could I live with the lies
The cheating and misleading
The my battery died in my phone(why you couldn't call)
Or the had to work late excuses
Better yet could I live with letters from your ex?
Or the I'm just there to see my son (CYA= covering your ass)
Damn am I really this dumb?
Or is it my body's just numb?
Too battered to acknowledge the pain
Too tired to continue playing this game
Secret children, marriage to another, the breaking of my heart
All during our 7 together= Reason why you're now "EX"!

why you should buy my book!

Hello everyone, wanted to do another video and this time it focuses on why you should buy my book. I go into detail why you should buy the book as well as how the book came about. I thank you all for listening. Creative Luv, Missy